there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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