What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
