no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize