i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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