You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
