So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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