you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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