i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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