I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am naked and annoyed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
