Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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