There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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