did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize