She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
