Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
