it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
