Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
