WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
