im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
