I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
