Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
