i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
