so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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