shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
