you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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