well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
