I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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