She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
