I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize