and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
