I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
