thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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