Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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