I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
