You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
