i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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