You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
