quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
