Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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