her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize