When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
