somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
