He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
