i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
