Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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