What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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