I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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