I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
