Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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