hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
