if you like me you must not know who I am
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
