you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
