My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
