How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
