I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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