Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
