i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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