Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
